The Friction of Being Visible

AA wrote: This is a magnificent post. As you can imagine, I am spending much of my life working to integrate the visible and invisible - to celebrate the rich variety of life. This was a helpful insight.
BB wrote: Det är alltid en svår balansgång var ribban skall ligga. Det ger mig ett välbefinnande att hjälpa andra och jag vill leva i en värld där vi bryr oss om varandra.
CC wrote: Jag är så glad att jag tackade ’ja’ till dina veckobrev – de innehåller så mycket visdom – tack så mycket! Vissa veckor blir jag mer berörd än andra, men alla är bra och tänkvärda.

The Friction of Being Visible

The cost of being who you are, is that you can’t possibly meet everyone’s expectations, and so, there will inevitably be external conflict to deal with - the friction of being visible. Still the cost of not being who you are is that while you are busy pleasing everyone around you, a precious part of you is dying inside; in this case there will be internal conflict to deal with – the friction of being invisible.

                              Mark Nepo: The Book of Awakening

Many of us constantly worry about meeting others’ expectations. We find it very difficult to say no, and we constantly try to anticipate what we believe others want from us. Where does that leave our own deepest wishes and needs…?

Living according to outer expectations - expressed or unexpressed - can be a shield behind which we hide ourselves, afraid of letting others know who we really are, afraid of taking full responsibility of our lives or being ashamed of what we think is “wrong” with us. Such a life often makes us feel the friction of being invisible. 

Even if I largely prefer the friction of being visible, I sometimes do have difficulties in dealing with external conflicts, and my spontaneous reaction still sometimes is to avoid them. Luckily the part of me, which knows the cost for hiding behind others’ wishes has become stronger over the years. If you have lived through the pain of seeing parts of yourself crippled by always trying to please others, you know that the price of avoiding the friction of being visible is never worth it.