The Art of Stopping

AA wrote: Tack alla dina visa ord under året som gått!

BB wrote:Oh yes, the art of stopping! What a difficult one it can be!

The Art of Stopping

To confront problems effectively, we must be calm, fresh and solid. That is why we need to practice the art of stopping. When we learn to stop, we become calmer, and our mind becomes clearer, like clear water, after the particles of mud have settled.

                                 Thich Nhat Hanh: Touching Peace

In the middle of holiday stress, we easily lose ourselves in frantic activities. This is a good moment to practice the art of stopping. 

The art of stopping simply means that you:

1. Stop whatever you are doing
2. Stretch your back and relax your shoulders
3. Empty your mind, and smile
4. Take three deep breaths
5. Continue where you left off

It is such a short and simple practice, yet we tend to forget it in our frenzied lives. A good tip can be to use some outer signal to remind us, e.g. the sound of a telephone or church bells, each time we wash our hands, leave a room, or put on our jacket. 

Why not try the art of stopping directly after having read this email? Close the computer or turn your body the other way, rest your hands in our lap and relax. Then follow the instructions above. You will probably feel quite refreshed afterwards. Actually you will have two weeks to practice now, since the Happiness Network is taking a little Holiday break until January 2nd.

A very Merry Christmas to you all, thank you for this year together and a Happy New Year 2017!

Lots of Love,
The Happiness Network

Your Sacred Circle

AA wrote: Lass Dir von dieser Gesellschaft bloß nicht einreden, Du müßtest arbeiten, um wert zu sein! Bitte bitte nicht! Daß jemand Zeit hat und sich nimmt, kleine, goldene Geschenke in Worten in die Welt zu senden, ist so viel wert, ganz sicher viel viel mehr als irgendein Manager, der Wasser in Flaschen abfüllen lässt und das Arbeit nennt! Du tust Gutes! Mir und sicher den anderen, die Deine lieben kleinen Wortfreundlichkeiten lesen.

Your Sacred Circle

Wherever you go for the rest of your life, you’re always in the middle of the universe and the circle is always around you. Everyone who walks up to you has entered that sacred space, and it’s not an accident. Whatever comes into the space is there to teach you.

                              Pema Chödrön: The Wisdom of No Escape

Unwanted events happen in our lives, difficult people cross our paths and we react by getting depressed, disappointed or angry. “Why does this happen to me?” 

At other times we’re suddenly in “the flow” and everything seems to fall into place without any effort - so many lucky coincidences, we can hardly believe it’s true. What have we done to deserve that?

Well, perhaps it's not what we’ve done or not done. We will never understand the Bigger Plan; it's not within our reach. We just need to accept what happens, knowing that the people and events we’re faced with come our way for a reason: life wants us to grow and develop. 

So when you feel that life is hard on you, or you fear your luck will turn, remember that you are always standing in the middle of a sacred circle and whatever enters it is there to teach you. Your task is to open up to the teachings. 

Respond With Your Heart

AA wrote: Tyvärr kan jag känna att det är något jag är dålig på. Jag tar in vad som sägs av mina medmänniskor, känner och förstår, men ger ingen output... Men jag övar!

Respond With Your Heart

There is no greater gift you can give to another human being than your response: to his tears, to his words, to his touch; to her hopes, to her dreams, to her prayers. 

Response is joining; response is heartfelt participation. Response - with your words, with your tears, with your heart, with your arms - of whatever kind is a standing inside the pain and the joy and the hope and the fear and the imagined isolation of another person’s experience.

“I’m sorry to hear that”; “That sounds awful”; “How wonderful; I’m so happy for you”; “You must be scared”; “I bet you’re excited”; “I can’t imagine you that must feel”. 

Respond. Respond with your heart. Respond as much a you can. Respond no matter how inadequate you feel. Response is the cradle in which, very gently, we rock one another’s vulnerable souls.

Daphne Rose Kingma: “A Garland of Love” 

This is one of the quotes where I feel I have nothing to add. Is there anything more important in our relationships than responding to the other with our heart...?

Don't Push the River

AA wrote: Beautiful!!! I feel like painting it! 

BB wrote: Javisst är det så här! Jag hade en chef som gav mig lite visdomsord en gång. Vi var långt före vår tid och jag kämpade och kämpade och blev hela tiden besviken för att beslut inte togs när de behövde tas osv. Då sa han: Du måste låta processen ta sin tid – världen är inte redo än. Jag tänker på det ofta – don’t push the river!! Så sant.
CC wrote: Dieser Brief hat mir am Besten gefallen.... wie wahr. Ich bin der „ober-pusher“ und das hat mich mal wieder daran erinnert.

Don’t Push the River

Don’t push the river. It flows by itself.

                                    Laozi

Man is supposed to differ from animals because of his free will. Unfortunately, this free will often complicates things for us: we want so much so hard. We keep on struggling to get exactly what we want, and exactly when we want it. 

We tend to forget that our attempts to control things are in vain; that life moves in its own mysterious ways. We forget to have faith: the universe will bring by what we need in due time. 

When we have set our minds to our deepest desires, and when we have done what we can to go in that direction we just have to let things go. The river of life will do its own part of the work. Maybe our wish will come about in an unexpected way, not exactly how and when we imagined it, but life will bring it by when the time is ripe. Don’t push the river; it flows by itself.

Be the Soul of the Place

AA wrote: Très beau chère Sabina : " feel the solid ground under your feet, the immense universe above your head, and your tender heart beating in the center of it all."

Be the Soul of the Place

Wherever you stand

Be the soul of that place

Rumi

Again and again I come back to the same subject: that we spend so much time in our lives living half-heartedly. We float on the surface of life, looking neither up nor down, just dealing quickly with whatever we’re facing - most often with our minds elsewhere - and then hurrying on to the next task. Is there any time or space for our souls in all this quick living?

This week’s challenge is to stop and pause at least once a day: stand still for a moment, connect with yourself, stay there, and just be. Wherever you are, feel the solid ground under your feet, the immense universe above your head, and your tender heart beating in the center of it all. Feel that You are right where you belong, and be the soul of that place.

I Contain Multitudes

AA wrote: How Beautiful and refreshing, I loved it!!! thanks for sharing my dear sis....please surprise me with a visit to Chile ...:-))

 BB wrote: Yes!! One of the big question marks in my life about myself so often ever since I stopped being a child: why did I feel like this then, why do I feel like something else now.
I love your reflection pieces, I like that you put out thoughts that I had or have, but never actually follow up on, or at least rarely, because my life is so full. Thank you, and be happy!


I Contain Multitudes

Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself.

I am large, I contain multitudes 

                                  Walt Whitman: Song of Myself

 We’re sometimes disappointed when people around us don’t act coherently. Well, do we ourselves do that all the time..? Of course not. 

We are an ever-changing system of feelings, thoughts, and ideas. Millions of cells in our bodies die every second, and are replaced by new ones. Our environment, that strongly influences us, changes the same way, all the time. How can anybody believe to be the same person you were a year ago, let alone as a child?

So let’s allow ourselves to contradict ourselves! Let’s have all the different, old an new aspects of ourselves enter the scene and make statements, choices, and actions according to what feels best right now. Let’s enter each situation with “a beginner’s mind” and surprise each other by behaving according to what we feel and need, and not to what may be expected of us. We are large, we contain multitudes!

The Best Thing to Cultivate

AA wrote:  Du hast - wie so oft - den Nagel genau auf den Kopf getroffen... Wir hatten heute lange Gespräche genau über dieses Thema und konnten es nicht fassen, als wir deinen Newsletter gelesen haben. Du hast in wenigen Zeilen zusammen gefasst, was wir über Stunden diskutiert haben. Vielen herzlichen Dank dafür.  Uebrigens haben wir uns jetzt auch das Buch "You are here" gekauft. Deine Newsletters haben uns dazu inspiriert. Das Buch zu lesen tut einfach nur gut.  
 
The Best Thing to Cultivate

Enjoyment can become a habit. Some of us only have the habit of suffering. Others among us have cultivated the habit of smiling and being happy. The capacity of being happy is the best thing we can cultivate.
                                             Thich Nhat Hanh: Buddha Mind, Buddha Body

Our habits rule our lives. Whether it comes to what and how we eat, if and how we do sports, or what state our minds are in. What we do again and again shapes us and turns us into healthy and happy persons – or not.
Most of us concentrate on our physical habits. With a lot of zeal we cultivate healthy bodies by following more or less strict diets, and by doing some kind of exercise to compensate our sedentary (work) lives.
That’s all good and fine, but what about our minds?
Our minds rule our lives. If we wake up every morning with the firm resolution to be happy, and remind ourselves all along the day to smile and look at things positively we’ll become happier persons. We will feel good about our lives, about the people around us and we will probably even spread that feeling to others.
Let’s work on it together, let’s make ours a Happier World :-)

Moving Through Life

AA wrote: And I will try to do the same. Thank you, Sabina, that was once again lovely!

Moving Through Life

I have a friend who, no matter when you ask him what he is doing will say: “ I’m generally moving through life in a positive way”. 

To generally move through life in a positive way is to live in a state of grace, of love, expecting that life will bring you remarkable surprises, and knowing that your effect on life will be as gracious as its effect on you.

                                                 Daphne Rose Kingma: “A Garland of Love”

I really love that quote. Strangely enough I don’t remember ever giving this perfect answer when people ask me what I’m doing in life. Honestly, what else could the answer be...? I can’t say that I'm working as ThisOrThat, that I’m raising children, or running marathons. The question “What are you doing?” always embarrasses me, as if whatever I am doing wasn’t enough. 

Our society is so focused on doing, that being has almost gotten lost. Being positive about what’s happening in your life, isn’t that the most important way of being?

Yes, it is a state of grace to just move with the flow of life with faith and confidence, and to fully embrace whatever you’re faced with. Even if I’m not always in that state, I am generally moving through life in a positive way :-)

Selfless Giving

Selfless Giving

When you give, do not expect affection, acknowledgement or return; the reaction does not depend on you.

                                  Alain Guillo

However good our intentions are when we offer something to somebody else, we normally expect the receiver to show his or her gratefulness. Often we wait in vain, and we’re disappointed. “It’s so easy to say Thank you!”

Yes, it’s easy to say Thank you, but it’s even easier to forget it. It’s also easy to give something to somebody, who doesn’t really appreciate it…

The thing with giving is, that it needs to be selfless. You give something - be it a present or your time - because you want to give it, not because you expect something in return. You give it with all your heart, and then you forget about it. Of course you hope the receiver will be happy with the gift, that’s why you gave it to him or here in the first place, but you don’t need a proof of it to be content with your gesture. 

Let’s be honest with ourselves and look at the reasons behind our giving. Is it because we crave for recognition? Or is it just because we love to make others happy? 

Moving Through Life

Moving Through Life

I have a friend who, no matter when you ask him what he is doing will say: “ I’m generally moving through life in a positive way”. 

To generally move through life in a positive way is to live in a state of grace, of love, expecting that life will bring you remarkable surprises, and knowing that your effect on life will be as gracious as its effect on you.

                                                 Daphne Rose Kingma: “A Garland of Love”

I really love that quote. Strangely enough I don’t remember ever giving this perfect answer when people ask me what I’m doing in life. Honestly, what else could the answer be...? I can’t say that I'm working as ThisOrThat, that I’m raising children, or running marathons. The question “What are you doing?” always embarrasses me, as if whatever I am doing wasn’t enough. 

Our society is so focused on doing, that being has almost gotten lost. Being positive about what’s happening in your life, isn’t that the most important way of being?

Yes, it is a state of grace to just move with the flow of life with faith and confidence, and to fully embrace whatever you’re faced with. Even if I’m not always in that state, I am generally moving through life in a positive way :-)

Feeling is Being Alive

AA wrote: Du skriver bra, jag älskar att läsa dina ords lätthet... men ändå med en tyngd.

Feeling is Being Alive

Feeling, feeling everything: that’s the point of life. And the more you allow yourself to experience the endlessly undulating and exquisite variations of feelings, the more exquisitely alive you will find yourself to be.

                           Daphne Rose Kingma: A Garland of Love

Sometimes I consciously decide to release all inner barriers, to welcome every single feeling that emerges and to feel them all the way. It’s a way of being one hundred percent alive, of opening up for whatever life has to offer. I let myself be amazed by the infinite palette of different emotions that emerge from within and I savour everyone of them.

It might be scary to open the dams like that. You don’t really know what’s hiding behind them. Collect all your courage, show faith in yourself and in life, and give it a try: walk through your day with all latches wide open. See what that amazing center of energy that YOU are is capable of putting into the world. 

Feel your feelings fully, allow them to reach your innermost core. Feel the feeling of loss when you remember your beloved grandmother, the feeling of joy when you think of a dear friend, or the feeling of sadness when you recall something mean you said. Learn from your  feelings, learn from life and enjoy what it does to you.

Everything Becomes Sacred

Everything Becomes Sacred

Each thought, each action in the sunlight of awareness becomes sacred.

                                 Thich Nhat Hanh: The Sun My Heart

There’s almost too much talking and writing about “mindfulness” these days. When things become à la mode, they seem to become worn out and somehow impoverished. What it actually means, is living your life in awareness. You take a step back and observe yourself, watching each thought and each action with full concentration. 

Obviously this is not possible all the time, not even for long-time Buddhist monks. It demands a lot of discipline. Quite honestly, I often feel too lazy to concentrate… But when I do this effort, when I place my awareness behind myself with full concentration, it feels like another life.

Suddenly every thought and every action is fully lived, almost like a ritual. Suddenly I’m one hundred percent alive, with every fibre of my body, every neuron of my mind, and every beat of my heart. It’s like knowing that I and my life, as well as every tiny part of the Universe, is sacred. It’s like getting a glimpse of eternity. 

Gratitude

Gratitude

Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity… it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

                                                                                   Melody Beatty

Every morning when I wake up I take a few moments to say Thank You to life. I want to express my gratitude for waking up to another surprising, amazing and beautiful day, to be happy and (still) healthy. 

There is so much beauty around us, so much kindness,  and there are so many wonders. I want to live in awareness of all these gifts, to accept them with an open heart and to spread my joy and happiness to others.  If I smile in gratitude to Life, Life smiles back at me.

However, not every day is a happy day: difficult situations and sad events hit us from out of the blue, and we might feel overwhelmed and desperate. But if you stop and concentrate, you will always find something to be grateful for.  On such days it is good to look out for the small reasons for happiness: the smile of a stranger, a fresh and juicy apple directly from the tree, a letter from someone you love, or a beautiful flower on your way to work.

Gratitude is the key to happiness.

The Bridge

The Bridge

Breath is the bridge that connects life to consciousness, the bridge that unites your body to your thoughts.

Thich Nhat Hanh: The Miracle of Mindfulness 

Especially when it comes to meditation and “spiritual” techniques, things often get very complicated; mantras in unknown languages and long, elaborate explanations. I like instructions that are easy and visual.

The picture of the bridge is so simple and straightforward. Before my inner eye I see my breath building a bridge between my body and my thoughts, and I feel how breathing mindfully creates openness and space in my head. It’s a wonderful, light and airy feeling!

The quote continues: "Whenever your mind becomes scattered, use your breath as the means to take hold of your mind again” and yes, that’s exactly what crossing that bridge does. 

So whenever there’s to much going on inside and around me, I cross the bridge between body and thoughts with mindful breathing, and I come back to my true, silent, observing self.  United as one being.

Control Your Thoughts

AA wrote:  Denna krönika är på pricken vad min kollega behöver. Jag har just delat med mig till honom. Tack! 

Control Your Thoughts

The soul becomes dyed with the colour of its thoughts.

                                    Marcus Aurelius

You are probably already aware of the fact that thoughts rule your life - and not the other way around. Most often we let “our” thoughts roam free. Perhaps we don’t even consider the fact that we can, actually, control them.

Being controlled by your thoughts may seem to be a human predicament. They just fall in on you all the time and take over your life. Thoughts can make you sad or angry, worried or jealous, but of course also happy and calm.They dye your soul. Who hasn’t felt total blackness inside when a great anger has risen - or the soft golden glow of caring for somebody dear to you. 

The point is that thoughts push you to always dislike or like things, to reject or crave for them. They don’t leave you any peace of mind - and they consume very much of your energy. Energy that you could use in much better ways. 

Becoming the master of your own mind is a lifelong task. It starts with realising that you are not your thoughts. Thoughts pass through you, as the air, and you are the one who’s watching them.Try to place your attention behind your head and  focus on the thoughts that constantly pop up in there - and then just let them go. Don’t get involved. As soon as you notice a new thought emerging in your brain, let it go. 

 Solving a task at work or at home is one thing, then you choose what to think about and do it in a focused way. But being constantly overwhelmed by free roaming thoughts that steal your energy is another thing. You’re definitely better off dropping them. Remember, you are not your thoughts; you are the attention behind them.

Give Pleasure to Others

Give Pleasure to Others

The most exquisite pleasure is giving pleasure to others.
Jean de La Bruyère

Sometimes we’re so caught up in our own lives, in our own little (or big) problems. We go round in circles, and there doesn’t seem to be any solution. In such a situation, a good way out is to do something for another person. Just let go of your own issues for a while, and concentrate on lifting the spirit of somebody else!

So what could you do? Well, for example

• help to somebody with a difficult or boring task 
• call our old aunt, who you haven’t talked to for ages
• send a card to someone 
• ask an elderly neighbour if we can do their grocery shopping
• cook your dear one’s favourite meal
• offer tired young parents your babysitting services
• visit someone at the elderly people’s home

Not only do you feel good after giving help or pleasure to somebody else, but it also takes the focus off your own problems. And you’ll see that the best way to handle them often comes later, “just like that”!

Light, Calm, at Ease

Light, Calm, at Ease

When we take a breath, we are light, calm, at ease. 

                                                 Thich Nhat Hanh: Reconciliation

The society we live in is so complicated, and our lives tend to become just as multi-faceted. So many things to do, so many issues to think about, and such overfilled agendas. 

Sometimes we feel as if all the expectations and all the pressure (from without, or from within us) will make us explode! We can’t take it anymore, and we’re just turning round in circles. In that specific moment the only important thing is to stop. Relax your shoulders, and take a few deep breaths. Feel how you slowly become lighter and calmer. Feel how you become at ease in your body and in your mind again. 

It’s so easy to do - the hard thing is remembering it when you’re in the middle of chaos. Try to make it a habit to stop in your everyday life, then it will come more naturally when you most need it. Perhaps every time a bell rings, the church bells or a telephone? Stop and relax, breathe deeply and feel you you become light, calm, and at ease. And a smile will spread on your face as a natural reward  :-)

Back Again

AA wrote: Wow ... What a perfect fit to today, at least for me... Thank you! Lovely reminder to reflect on.

Back Again

Every day is a new beginning - take a deep breath and start again.

Anonymous

After slow and happy summer days, with a golden hue on our skin and fresh air in our hair, we most often return to our everyday (working) lives relaxed, energised and happy. It doesn’t matter if we went away on vacation or stayed at home, but there was this well deserved break in our normal rhythm that a proper vacation should be.

Returning to “normality” has a charm of its own; it’s a homecoming, but sometimes it takes a little while to settle back in again, depending on how well this normality fits us. We might have to push ourselves to fulfil our everyday routines; there might be a certain resistance. What are we resisting?

The moment we feel that indefinable resistance it’s time to take a closer look at it. Is there a big, important part of our everyday life that makes us uneasy? Like our job, our close relationships, or our home? If that is case, we have to take an honest and deep look at the reasons. We need to either find ways to change it, or - if that’s not possible - accept and embrace the situation, and let go of the resistance. Life will never be perfect. Resistance just blocks off happiness.

This imperfect life is full of things to be grateful for: we have a job, our partner has so many good sides, and we have a warm and comfortable home - and it always gives room for new beginnings. Take a deep breath and start again, with a open mind.

To Begin is Half the Work

To Begin is Half the Work

Begin - to begin is half the work, let half still remain; again begin this, and thou wilt have finished.

Marcus Aurelius

During these warm summer days I find it exhausting to deal with household work - especially cleaning the house ;-) - and sometimes I procrastinate for days. It’s so much nicer to go outside, take a long hike or work in the garden if temperatures allow. However, I never really feel at ease if my home is disorganised - I see it as the mirror of my soul.

Finally I push myself to at least begin cleaning up, and hop...! Once started, I most often finish the cleaning quite quickly. Just the fact of beginning an unloved task really is already half the work.  Why is that so hard to remember?

The newsletter is taking two weeks vacation and wishes you all a wonderful summer with as little unloved tasks as possible :-) 

Freedom

Freedom 

Freedom is the basis of all happiness. Without freedom, there is no happiness. This means freedom from despair, freedom from resentment, freedom from jealousy and fear. 

                                                

                                                                              Thich Nhat Hanh: You Are Here

When we think about freedom, what often comes to mind is “outer freedom”: freedom from oppression, being free to choose how to live our lives, or simply not being in jail.

However, no outer circumstances can free you, if you’re not free inside. If you remain attached to your thoughts and views, your likes and dislikes, you’re caught in your own mind and no real freedom is possible.

We need to free our minds, and drop prejudices and old opinions. I’m not saying we should abandon our deepest convictions of what is right and wrong, but we need to question our preconceived ideas. 

We also need to free our soul from anxieties about the future, from fear and anguish, and act upon what worries us. As always either you accept the situation, or you do your best to change it.

I know, it’s easy to say and so much more difficult to do, but unless we start trying, no change will ever come about.