The Friction of Being Visible

AA wrote: This is a magnificent post. As you can imagine, I am spending much of my life working to integrate the visible and invisible - to celebrate the rich variety of life. This was a helpful insight.
BB wrote: Det är alltid en svår balansgång var ribban skall ligga. Det ger mig ett välbefinnande att hjälpa andra och jag vill leva i en värld där vi bryr oss om varandra.
CC wrote: Jag är så glad att jag tackade ’ja’ till dina veckobrev – de innehåller så mycket visdom – tack så mycket! Vissa veckor blir jag mer berörd än andra, men alla är bra och tänkvärda.

The Friction of Being Visible

The cost of being who you are, is that you can’t possibly meet everyone’s expectations, and so, there will inevitably be external conflict to deal with - the friction of being visible. Still the cost of not being who you are is that while you are busy pleasing everyone around you, a precious part of you is dying inside; in this case there will be internal conflict to deal with – the friction of being invisible.

                              Mark Nepo: The Book of Awakening

Many of us constantly worry about meeting others’ expectations. We find it very difficult to say no, and we constantly try to anticipate what we believe others want from us. Where does that leave our own deepest wishes and needs…?

Living according to outer expectations - expressed or unexpressed - can be a shield behind which we hide ourselves, afraid of letting others know who we really are, afraid of taking full responsibility of our lives or being ashamed of what we think is “wrong” with us. Such a life often makes us feel the friction of being invisible. 

Even if I largely prefer the friction of being visible, I sometimes do have difficulties in dealing with external conflicts, and my spontaneous reaction still sometimes is to avoid them. Luckily the part of me, which knows the cost for hiding behind others’ wishes has become stronger over the years. If you have lived through the pain of seeing parts of yourself crippled by always trying to please others, you know that the price of avoiding the friction of being visible is never worth it.

Getting at What Matters

AA wrote: Klok, den där P.Underwod S.!
BB wrote:Loved this dearly, Sabina. My family has grown tired I'm sure of my commenting constantly on how difficult communication is. It's truly astonishing. The quote is gorgeous and I just shared it with friends in Facebook. Thank you! 

Getting at What Matters

If you want to be truly understood, you need to say everything three times, in three different ways. Once for each ear… and once for the heart.                                                                                                                            Paula Underwood Spencer

Communication is not an easy thing, not even with our close ones. Misunderstandings seem to lurch behind every single word or phrase and are often the root of all kind of conflicts, from small and easy-to-sort-out to life-changing ones. Communication is key in all human relationships, and more than worthwhile to deal with carefully.

Today, much of our communication happens via written messages: we text, send e-mails or WhatsApp notes. Unfortunately, that makes the risk of misunderstanding even bigger: there are no gestures, tones of voice, facial expressions or other forms of body language to complete your words - and there’s no possibility to straighten out question marks right away. 

The advice is to deal with demanding issues face to face and, as Paula Underwood suggests, to repeat your important message often and carefully enough so that it really comes through. Once for each ear, and once for the heart. From your heart to the listener’s heart. 

Be Good to Yourself

AA wrote:Danke für diesen Reminder! ;) Ich versuche mein Bestes was es betrifft, "gut zu sich selbst zu sein" - denke ich mach das ganz ordentlich und bewusst. Danke für diesen Beitrag!

          BB wrote: Yes, yes indeed! Lovely to start the week with an email from you! Enjoy the snow! 
          CC wrote: Först, jag gillar den lättheten du skriver! Människor som kommer     in i mitt liv vill jag att de skall stanna... Textens budskap är bra.

Be Good to Yourself

People will come and go in your life, but the person in the mirror will always be there: so be good to yourself

Anonymous

Even if we know it, we sometimes forget it: in order to be there for others we first and foremost have to be there for ourselves. Like when a friend is stuck in deep emotional turmoil, and you might feel you're about to being sucked into it too. At that point you have to remember that you cannot take over your friend’s pain, she will have to work through it by herself. What you can do is listening with an open heart, let her express and see her own pain and thereby hopefully find the way through. You can be the shoulder to cry on, but you cannot cry in her place.

So we have to take good care of ourselves in order to be able to care for others. We first have to deal with and accept our own emotional issues. We have to be good to ourselves

Love

AA wrote: Nature girl🌞!
BB wrote: Danke - wieder einmal - für die schönen Worte. Liebe, ja Liebe. So facettenreich, so vielseitig - groß und klein, beflügelnd oder zerstörend, unschuldig oder lüstern. Jedenfalls ein mächtiger Stein im Fundament unseres Grundgebäudes. Grund für das Hiersein, Grund zu leben. Du suchst ja auch immer nach einem Grund, nach einer Berechtigung, Rechtfertigung für Dein Sein. Und da haben wir den Grund: Du verbreitest Liebe durch Deine Liebenswürdigkeit. 

Love

The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return

Nat King Cole

You might think of romantic love, of the love you feel for your child, your mother, a very good friend, or of yourself. You might think of love as the basic energy of Life itself. It’s what creates us, makes us grow and keeps us going. Love is the the base of everything.

I cannot express what I feel about Love like the great poets as Rumi, Neruda, or Rilke, but I can feel it with all my body and all my heart, and I can share one of my favourite songs  just to spread that feeling on this Monday morning. 

May it last all through the week ♥